The Elusiveness of Words and Focus

Words have been elusive for this blog lately, a fact I find amusing considering how much writing I do all day. But that writing is different, it's outside of myself, rather than internally reflective. It's not that I'm afraid to look inside myself, but really that I haven't had the energy for it. But here I am, pinning down my words, stabbing them really, to my screen in hopes that they aren't fleeting and decide to stick around.

To sum up things in general, I rather loathe January. I'm sure there is some truth in the whole January 21st is the most depressing day of the year thing, and while for many it might not true (I'm not even sure it is for me), I can understand the reasoning.

After the holidays, we returned home to severe jet lag and a supreme lack of routine. I still can't say that it's fully returned either. then there is the distinct decrease in daylight being so much farther north than where we're from and it truly is enough to make me want to hibernate! Added to that is the fact that we were broke much of the last half of the month and you might begin to see why we were so glad to reach February 1st.

On the first of this new month I started off with great energy and intentions that fell very quickly when my husband and I both got food poisoning. Again. I had it back in November and it really is awful. I haven't had that much pain since child birth... no joke. Sadly no epidural was going to smooth that out for me.

And now here I am stuck inside on a rather gloomy Monday with wind and snow/sleet warnings and a toddler who has decided that now would be a good time to divest all her clothes and forgo her diaper. So I naturally thought... toilet training.

What a bust!

Not only did she miss the whole going in the toilet bit, but instead peed all over the couch... twice. And through the towels I had her sitting on too. Have I mentioned we're renting a furnished flat? So glad for upholstery cleaner!

I ended up giving up (because this was impromptu and she really doesn't get it and we only have so many cushions) and she's back in a diaper and some leggings, sans a top because she freaks out when she has to wear one.

Miss K is repeating words like crazy but connecting the word and the concept is not happening just yet. To add to my frustration is the fact that we are still on the waiting list for her assessment and they just sent us a letter asking us to call back and confirm that we still want to be on the wait list. What happened to just getting an appointment?

(sigh)

I have so many projects going on that I'm not sure what to do with myself some days. I'm trying to sort things out so that my time is used well but the realities of working from home with a three year old means that I simply don't get much done when I want/ need to. I'm really hoping we can get her into nursery for August (and that we can afford it) but I still have to get her on the list in the first place.

Then there is my business which is getting closer, but with which I have so much to do yet, and so wished I had significantly more money. I want a new camera and lenses so badly I can't adequately tell you how much! Then there is all the marketing and packaging materials I need for my products. It's really overwhelming.

What is motivating me lately is the small amount of work I am accomplishing for my friend and fellow writer I helped with the children's stories in December. She's working on some other projects that I am also editing and it's nice to delve into such things. But it's also a reminder that I really want and need to work on my own writing.

It's that tricky balance thing again, and I'm not sure what the real answer is. I can't do it all, that much I know, but it's easy to lose focus of my goals in all the small things. So I'm doing a bit of stepping back and mulling over the big picture. It's still a little fuzzy though and time will bring some clarity.