Thursday, October 11, 2012

Confessions of a Weary Woman

My baby girl turns three in three days. I feel like it's a momentous milestone for us in our life. My toddler becomes a preschooler (even though she won't be attending preschool/nursery for some time, if at all depending on our circumstances). Sadly, due to a whole bunch of things, we've cancelled her party. Truthfully though, she doesn't understand birthdays yet, so she can't be disappointed. I feel it's for the best and we'll do something small just us.

Three is an interesting number.

Our family has three people. I am one of three children. Baby girl was our third pregnancy. Yes three seems to pop up. But let's not get ahead of ourselves and wonder if there will be three children for us. Nope, not going to happen.

My husband gets back from his second of three work trips in a span of five weeks. To say it's been a stressful time for us is an understatement. November can only get better I feel. I am fairly optimistic that things will get better, and December will be terribly exciting as we prepare to go home for a visit! 20 days spent with family and friends will do wonders for us I think. It will be a break in amongst all the chaos that spins around us.

I had assumed that next year we would be moving down to Oxfordshire for hubby's work. This may or may not happen anymore and it is completely out of our hands. Whatever the decision regarding financial compensation is, we simply choose one of two options and go with it. Both possibilities (staying in Glasgow or moving to Oxfordshire) have their pros and cons. I'm leaning towards staying in Glasgow since we're settled and it's better for my business start up. But it would mean more travel for my husband and more time where it's just me and a three year old. Could be fine but could be more difficult in the long run. We simply can't predict at this point.

Financially we are struggling, and it's frustrating for us because we're trying to make things better but every time we figure out one thing, something else hits us from above like a brick. It hurts.

This coincidentally is not helping me get my business started. The bank isn't helping either. Never in a million years would I have thought it so difficult to open a bank account, personal or business. But it is and even my alternative option has fallen through (much to my dismay). I want to vote with my feet and go elsewhere for a personal account, but without a steady income, I can't. [insert long angry sigh]

Not everything is horrible mind you, but the stress seems to bury the good things. So it's time for me to air them out to remind myself that there are good things happening!

Baby girl (I need a better nickname) is gaining moe words. They are single syllable words and she can only utter one sound in any given word (take a moment to think about how even simple words are composed of multiple sounds), but her list is ever growing. I'm keeping track of her words in a document that I can take to her assessment. We might only understand these words in context but she is constantly testing us by saying a word and waiting for us to repeat it back to her to see if we understand. The joyful look on her face when communication and comprehension has taken place stabs my heart with my own joy and makes me want to cry. We've got a long way to go but progress is happening!

In other news, my photography skills are getting stretched by both a new (read: old manual) lens I acquired for my camera, and a family portrait session I got to do. Being self taught means that I am constantly reading and practicing to upgrade my skills.I probably could do school at some point, but I won't. I'm doen with school and this is working for me. I want to do workshops some time not only in order to learn things that are harder to do on my own but to having feedback from other photographers.

I have some interesting projects on the horizon, both in my writing and my photography. When I'll have time for it all I haven't the clue. Time is not my friend these days. I can't keep up!  Hubby is home tomorrow from another trans-atlantic trip. I'm tired. I get like this at the end of his work trips. Later nights (because it's harder to go to sleep when he's away) and early mornings with baby girl, plus having very little break from caring for her and taking care fo the house until evening means my free time is when I'm usually the most tired. It's so hard to accomplish the things I want.

But I keep going, dragging my feet as I go. At least I'm still moving, still taking steps. I realize that this is probably one fo those free-form, unfocused and rambling posts, but that is where my brain is at the moment. If you made it this far, good for you and thanks!


  1. I definitely understand the problem of going to sleep when your spouse isn't there. My husband works nights and I stay up way to late as a result.

    Sorry you are having so many troubles with the bank.

  2. I have gotten used to hubby being gone and now find the opposite problem of sharing a bed again...."Move Over...quit snoring"....oh yeah, that was me, lol.

    I like that you call her "baby girl", because believe it or not but you are and will always be my "baby girl"....that stuff never changes!

    You will find a way to make things work for your business because I know how determined you can be....grrr at those stupid banks!!

  3. I hope that some of the stress lessens soon. I hope the trip to see your family does wonders!

    I've very glad to hear that baby girl is making some progress :)

    As for the photography, that's very exciting too. I took one class in college, but forgot almost everything... ugh. I keep meaning to visit my library to pick up a few books to try and further my education, but I never seem to get around to it. Time isn't my friend either!

  4. "my free time is when I am most tired." Oh, how I feel you on that!

    Glad to see the little one making progress with speech.

    Sorry for all the stress that is in your life right now.

    Will moving to Oxfordshire improve your financial situation?


I don't bite, honest! Have a seat and say hello.